Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Title: Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Director: Alexander Witt
Cast: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Thomas Kretschmann
Year: 2004
MPAA: Rated R for non-stop violence, language and some nudity
Date of Review: February 3, 2005


Paul Anderson's latest venture into writing a movie based on a video game is filled with "apparently’s". Apparently, standard issue uniforms for female government agents is a blue tube top and the shortest mini skirt ever seen. Apparently tactical SWAT-like teams recruit their members solely from third world countries. Apparently a helicopter only needs to be about 20 feet away in order to make it out of a nuclear explosion. Apparently people with ADD are now prime candidates for directorial jobs in Hollywood. And apparently Paul Anderson is completely oblivious to the fact that he can't write.

This movie, being the sequel to an already mediocre movie, manages to somehow make an hour and a half of people shooting zombies quite boring. The story picks up where the first film left off, with Alice (Milla Jovovich) waking up in a deserted hospital, grabbing a shotgun, and getting down-and-dirty with the zombies that have taken over the city. But now, in what Anderson seems to think was a very clever move, she is joined by members of the S.T.A.R.S. team - that tactical team mentioned earlier. And wouldn't you know it, one of those people is Jill Valentine, the popular character from the first Resident Evil video game. Many terrible action sequences, even more terrible special effects, and even MORE terrible dialogue exchanges ensue.

There's really not much going for this movie at all. It plays out like a video game designed by someone with schizophrenia, and has worse dialogue than "Alien vs. Predator" (which, coincidentally, was also penned by Paul Anderson). Unfortunately, unlike "Alien vs. Predator", this movie does not have great effects or set work to make it tolerable - everything is just very poorly done, and, if you are a fan of the video game franchise, you’ll be wondering where they got any of the ideas for this movie, because it’s obviously not the games that inspired them to write the story.

This movie features a few respectable actors, and makes you wonder why they would ever stoop so low, even if it was just a movie to pay the bills. Thomas Kretschmann, who appeared in Roman Polanski’s war-time drama "The Pianist", plays an evil corporate mogul willing to sacrifice anyone or anything for...well...I’m not really sure. The plot is so vague that you really have no idea what the motivations for any of the characters are, and they are all paper-thin themselves. Even the immense talent of Kretschmann couldn’t provide credibility to his character, which is written so poorly that you could swear his lines came out of a "Cliche Villain Handbook". Milla Jovovich, who has proven on many occasions to be a competent actress, really tarnishes her image with her character of Alice, who now seems to be some sort of rip-off of Marvel Comics’ X-Men character, Wolverine.

Speaking of rip-offs, this movie goes to show you that there is a very delicate line in the world of movies between "homage" and "unoriginal rip-off". "Resident Evil: Apocalypse" manages to steal from just about every successful zombie franchise in the history of cinema, but Anderson would of course pass these instances off as "respectful homages" to the movies. Anderson even manages to incorporate references to his own past works, showing how incredibly full of himself he is, and how oblivious he is to the fact that he can’t write.

"Resident Evil: Apocalypse" takes all the great elements we have come to love in zombie movies these days, and waters them down to a level so bad and nonsensical that it is barely watchable. The script not only leaves a lot to be desired, but will make even the most casual movie goer cringe at its cheesiness. It’s main problem is that, while many horror movies can maintain a high level of fun while being cheesy, this is not fun at all, and is actually tedious and, in the end, boring.

1.5/10